God, Screaming

March 25th, 2008 • Category: Variety Week
by Julie Benson

Today’s scripture: Numbers 22:21-31 (ESV-text and audio) (NRSV) (The Message)

As you read, consider: What might God be saying to me? Summarize your thoughts in a sentence or two.

My thoughts (Julie Benson):

Do you ever hear God screaming at you in spite of your resistance?

Today I have let the little circumstances of life build up and I am frustrated, hurt, and angry. My emotions are evident by my outward expression, but I refuse to disclose my inner thoughts and feelings. My partner, Brent, patiently tries to cajole me, but I stubbornly refuse. I am at odds within myself and I am determined to figure it out on my own.

In isolation, I consult with God long enough to throw myself a pity-party. I assure God, and then later to Brent in an exasperated tone, that I don’t need to discuss this with them. I will let them know on my own terms if and when they can step in.

Frustrated with my resistance, Brent flips the radio onto full blast and turns the channel.

Suddenly, God is screaming into my stubborn soul, using John Mayer as the messenger:

Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.


Walking like a one man army,
Fighting with the shadows in your head…

Have no fear for giving in…

Even if you are shaking,
And your faith is broken…
Do it with a heart wide open.

Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.
Say what you need to say.

The song never seems to end. No clever lyrics. No stunning melody. Just one line over and over and over again.

I want to scream back at God: I hear You! Can you please just shut up, already?! My stubbornness is being challenged by the One that I should ultimately be surrendering to.

Even though I haven’t figured it out for myself yet, I finally break down and spill the mess that is stirred up within me, surrendering control.

Thought for the day: God will do whatever it takes to get your attention and to break through even your most stubborn state of being — whether it takes a talking donkey, or a song on the radio. Stop fighting, already, and let God do the work God wants to do in your life.

We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the guidelines on the How to Pray page.

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